You’ve decluttered. You’ve created systems. You actually know how to organize. So why can one pile of papers on the counter make you feel like you’re a complete mess?
There’s a big difference between being disorganized and feeling disorganized. And what’s happening around you doesn’t have to become evidence of who you are.
In this episode, I share a recent coaching example of a client who came to our call feeling like a “hot mess,” even though she’s actually very organized. What she really had were open loops. Once we identified what needed to happen and when she was going to do it, nothing had actually been completed—but she felt completely different.
That’s because feeling organized isn’t about the absence of disorder. It’s about your relationship to the disorder that’s currently there.
We’ll talk about why “I’m a mess” feels so different from “These papers need decisions,” how our old 10-second scripts become well-worn paths in our brains, and why getting rid of more stuff may never make you feel organized if your definition of organized is “nothing left to organize.”
You’ll also hear two simple analogies—being a good cook and rerouting while driving—that will help you rethink what it actually means to be organized.
An organized person is someone who knows how to create order when and where she needs it.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why feeling disorganized is different from being disorganized
- How open loops contribute to overwhelm
- Why a pile of papers doesn’t determine whether you’re organized
- How to replace judgment with thoughts that point you toward action
- Why your definition of “organized” may be impossible to achieve
- Why getting rid of more stuff won’t necessarily make you feel organized
- How to start collecting evidence that you already know how to create order
- Why getting back on track is evidence that you’re organized—not evidence that you failed
Instead of asking, “What still needs to be organized?” start noticing where you already demonstrate the skill of creating order.
You may already possess the skill you’ve been waiting for your house to prove you have.
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Why You Still Don’t Feel Organized (Even Though You’re Doing All the Right Things)
You’ve decluttered, created systems, and learned how to organize, yet one pile of papers on the counter can still make you feel like you’re a complete mess. If you’ve wondered why you still don’t feel organized after all the work you’ve done, the answer may have less to do with your home and more to do with what you make the disorder mean about you.
This came up recently during a coaching call with a client I’ll call Gina. She showed up feeling overwhelmed and told me, “I’m a mess. I’m coming in a hot mess.” The interesting thing was that Gina wasn’t a hot mess at all. She’s actually very organized.
Several open loops in her business were taking up space in her brain. She had projects to finish, decisions to make, and tasks she needed to complete but hadn’t scheduled. All those unfinished decisions created overwhelm, and she interpreted that feeling as evidence about herself: I’m a mess.
We went through the open loops one at a time, figured out what needed to happen, made decisions, and scheduled the appropriate tasks. By the end of our conversation, Gina felt completely different, even though she hadn’t completed any of the projects yet.
Her workload hadn’t changed. Her relationship to it had. Before our conversation, her thought was, I’m a hot mess. Afterward, she knew what needed to happen and when she would do it. Gina didn’t suddenly become organized during our coaching call. She already possessed the skill and simply needed to use it.
Feeling Disorganized Is Different From Being Disorganized
We tend to use whatever is happening around us right now as evidence of who we are. Walk into the kitchen and see things covering the counter, and you might think, I’m so disorganized. A pile of papers becomes, I can never stay on top of anything. When your closet overflows, your brain may offer, Why can’t I keep anything organized?
Those thoughts feel like facts, but they aren’t. Compare them with a more neutral description of the same situations: My kitchen needs a reset. These papers need decisions. My closet has reached capacity. I have several open loops that need to go on my calendar.
One version describes a situation that needs attention, while the other turns the situation into an identity. The neutral statements also point you toward action. Reset the kitchen. Make decisions about the papers. Decide what belongs in the closet. Schedule the open loops.
Judgment tells you who you are; a useful thought tells you what to do next.
The Pile Isn’t What Makes You Feel Disorganized
Imagine two people looking at the exact same pile of papers. The first person thinks, Oh my gosh, look at this. I’m so behind. I can never keep up with anything. Why can’t I stay organized? The second person thinks, These papers need decisions. I’ll go through them Saturday morning.
Nothing about the physical pile has changed, and neither person has organized a single piece of paper. Yet they experience the pile completely differently. One person turns it into evidence about herself; the other identifies what needs to happen and when she plans to do it.
The second person has also closed an open loop. She knows what those papers need from her, so she can walk away instead of mentally carrying them around all week.
This is why I don’t think feeling organized requires the absence of disorder. It’s about your relationship to the disorder that’s currently there. Maybe you don’t even need to make “feeling organized” the goal. You may actually want to feel calm, capable, confident, or able to trust yourself.
Instead of needing to think, Everything is organized, perhaps you only need to think, I know what to do next.
Think About Being a Good Cook
Imagine you’re a really good cook and it’s 4:30 in the afternoon. You walk into the kitchen and haven’t made dinner yet. Would you look at the empty dinner table and decide, Well, apparently I’m not a good cook?
Of course not. Being a good cook doesn’t mean you keep dinner prepared 24 hours a day. It means you know how to make dinner when dinner needs to be made. You possess that skill whether dinner currently sits on the table or not.
Why don’t we think about organization the same way? Being an organized person doesn’t mean you keep every drawer, closet, paper, photograph, digital file, email, and possession organized at every moment.
An organized person is someone who knows how to create order when and where she needs it.
Organized isn’t a permanent condition of your house. It’s a skill you possess. A pile of papers doesn’t take that skill away from you any more than an empty dinner table at 4:30 takes away your ability to cook.
The Well-Worn Path to “I’m Disorganized”
During a recent Organized Life Academy conversation, Jess Purzel shared an illustration about horses on a trail ride. Horses follow one another along a path they’ve traveled over and over. Eventually, their repeated trips wear a groove into the ground, and getting a horse to leave that familiar path can take some effort. The horse has learned, This is where we go.
Our brains do something similar. I call it our 10-second script—the automatic story we’ve practiced so many times that we barely notice ourselves thinking it. Yours might include thoughts such as I’m messy, I’ve never been organized, I’m terrible at this, or Why can’t I get my act together?
After practicing those thoughts for decades, you’ve created a well-worn path. The moment you walk into the kitchen and see a pile, your brain knows exactly where to go: See? I’m disorganized.
Create a New Path
Changing that path doesn’t require jumping from I’m a complete mess to I’m the most organized person in the world. Your brain probably wouldn’t believe that anyway. Instead, step slightly off the old trail by describing what’s actually happening.
Your kitchen needs a reset. The papers need decisions. Your closet has reached capacity. You have open loops that need a place on your calendar. Those descriptions remove the judgment and show you what to do next.
With practice, you can create a new path around a thought that may feel increasingly true: I know how to create order when I need it.
You’re not pretending the pile isn’t there. You’re simply refusing to use it as evidence that something is wrong with you.
Is Your Definition of Organized Impossible?
Think about what would have to happen before you would finally allow yourself to say, “I’m organized.” Must you organize every drawer? Does the garage need a complete declutter? Perhaps you need to sort all your photos, file every paper, clear your inbox, organize your computer, and give every possession a designated home.
If that’s the standard, you’ve essentially defined being organized as having nothing left to organize. You’re unlikely to reach that finish line because you actually live in your home.
Mail arrives, groceries come in, meals get cooked, and family members bring things into shared spaces. Children grow up, grandchildren arrive, and parents age. Hobbies, jobs, bodies, priorities, and seasons change too. Each new season asks something different of your home and your systems.
Life continually creates some degree of disorder. If your definition of organized requires the permanent absence of disorder, you’ll spend your life waiting to qualify as an organized person.
Why Getting Rid of More Stuff May Not Make You Feel Organized
Decluttering absolutely helps. Having less makes a home easier to manage, and removing things that no longer belong in the home and life you’re creating can make an enormous difference. However, decluttering alone may not make you feel organized if you use an impossible standard to measure yourself.
Perhaps you tell yourself, Once I get the basement done, I’ll finally feel organized. You finish the basement and notice the photos. After the photos, your attention moves to the closet. From there, you notice the garage, followed by the computer and your email.
The finish line keeps moving because you’re waiting for your environment to give you permission to believe something about yourself. There will almost always be another area that could use attention.
What if you stopped requiring your entire environment to reach some imaginary finish line before acknowledging the organizing skills you already possess?
Organized People Know How to Reroute
Think about driving somewhere with your GPS. You know where you’re going, but you miss a turn. Most likely, you don’t pull over, turn off the car, and conclude that you no longer know how to drive. Your GPS reroutes you, you make the next turn, and you keep going.
You don’t need to stay perfectly on course to know how to drive, and you don’t need to stay perfectly organized to be an organized person. When the kitchen gets messy, you reset it. When your schedule gets crazy, you revisit your calendar. If the closet fills up, you decide what stays. When papers accumulate, you process them.
A difficult season may even require you to change systems that normally work well. That adjustment doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Getting back on track is evidence that you’re organized, not evidence that you failed at being organized. The ability to reroute is part of the skill.
Start Collecting Different Evidence
When you’ve spent years believing I’m not organized, your brain gets very good at finding supporting evidence. A pile becomes proof. So does the garage. Maybe you couldn’t find something yesterday, or those photos still aren’t organized. Each example gets added to the case your brain is building against you.
Meanwhile, you may overlook plenty of evidence that tells a different story. Rather than asking whether there was ever a time when your entire life was organized, ask, “Where have I demonstrated the skill of creating order?”
Maybe you plan trips beautifully, know where your important documents are, organize events well, or have one drawer that works exactly the way you want it to. You might reset the kitchen every night, have successfully decluttered closets, make thoughtful decisions about what stays and goes, or recognize when a system isn’t working and change it.
You don’t need to prove that your whole life is organized. Look for evidence that you possess—or are developing—the skill of creating order. If you genuinely don’t have much evidence yet, you don’t need to judge yourself for that either. Organization is simply a skill you’re learning.
What Do You Need to Believe to Feel Organized?
The next time you encounter something that’s out of order, pay attention to where your brain goes. Rather than automatically following that familiar path to I’m a mess, describe what’s actually happening. Then ask what needs attention, what it needs from you, and when you’ll address it.
A pile of papers can become, These need decisions, and I’ll go through them Saturday. That messy room might simply need a 15-minute reset tonight. An overflowing closet could mean it has reached capacity and you need to decide what belongs there.
Then ask yourself a different question: What would I have to believe in order to feel organized before everything is organized?
Perhaps you know what to do next. Maybe you trust yourself to make decisions, reset a space when it needs attention, or figure out a solution when something stops working. Ultimately, you can begin to trust your ability to create order when you need it.
The goal isn’t to create a life where nothing ever gets messy, because that wouldn’t be real life. Instead, you can learn to encounter disorder without automatically turning it into a statement about who you are.
Being an organized person doesn’t mean everything is organized. It means you know how to create order when and where you need it.
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